Reading Goals for the Year (2020)

This year, I want to read more and I want to hold myself to it. Hence this public declaration.

I thought I'd set some goals. This is pretty straight forward, this is what I would like to achieve with regards to reading this year. Above just the number of books, I also have goals around the scope of genres read so as to avoid reading a million of the same type of book. Above the literary and women's fiction that tends to be my go to, I also want to read some of the following:

Some self-published books from new authors (or authors just new to me), some loud books that have all the traditional publishing marketing power, some non-fiction books, some poetry books, some literary 'classics' and finally some YA fantasy (because this is a genre I plan to write in future). I'm setting my goal at 50 books and I'm so serious I made a visual:

Now, I still don't quite know how that break down will happen exactly. For example, will I read between 8 and 9 books in each genre or will I read 15 classics and only 3 poetry books and make the difference in whatever genre pulls me? I can't be sure, but I'm choosing to leave it open so I have a sense of freedom in this en devour. Though, more likely than not, the breakdown will not be equal and while I will make it a point to read at least three books in each genre, I can't pretend that I will approach them all with the same vigor. What I do promise is to keep a tight record of every book read (I might even review some of them) and I will tally it up all at the end of this year. I look forward to the results and I can't wait to share them with you. Feel free to join me or to suggest books for any of the genres.

Happy reading,

Noni

Hawaii - Memories of a Trip Worth Making

One of my life's greatest joys is travel, and my greatest privilege is the ability to do so often. Purposefully, I married a man who loves to travel as much as I do, maybe more, and experiencing the world together is always amazing. I honestly think there is nothing quite as breathtaking as a piece of nature that has been preserved and allowed to grow and thrive as it chooses. Nature is the ultimate architect and I was reminded of this everyday I spent in Hawaii.

We flew into Oahu, and spent the first few days enjoying our surroundings by day and losing our evenings to the plentiful beachfront bars and restaurants along Waikiki Beach. Beautiful as Oahu was, James and I both agree that the best part of our trip started the day we landed in Maui. The ride in itself was eventful, we took one of those small island hopper planes that meant we felt every bit of turbulence and every cloud we couldn't avoid flying into was felt in its bumpy fullness. Still, all seven of us passengers were all smiles and excitement as we flew over one island and passed next to another on our way to our final destination, about forty minutes away.

As soon as we landed, we could tell the vibe was completely different. Where Oahu was the big tourist landing pad, complete with what James pointed out felt a little bit like a piece of the Vegas Strip, Maui felt like an island. It was gorgeous, comfortable and with all the slowness in pace that you would expect from paradise. We arrived at about 11 o'clock, early enough to rent a car and explore to our hearts content. We drove a lot in Maui, and only at the end of these drives did we ever stop to think about just how much distance we'd covered. It was so beautiful in the moment that we just wanted to keep going, to keep seeing more.

In the afternoon, having tasted a little of what Maui had in store for us, we headed to our little condo. There we discovered the other truly lovely thing about our temporary home, true hospitality. The people in our complex were vacationers like us, but the bulk of them had been coming back to these exact same condos for twenty (and in one case) thirty years, all at the same time. We would be around for only a few days, but they would spend a month or more if they could manage it. We soon realised that we were staying with a group that had long ago crossed the line from friends to family, and they welcomed us in with the same warmth. Over drinks at our private beach, they shared the best spots on the island, where to watch the sunset to catch the green flash, the things that were overrated, where to get the best shave ice (a long standing bucket list item of mine) and so much more. We owe some of our best moments in Hawaii to those kind strangers, they even shared their Bailey's with us too.

P.s Two weeks after our return home, we received a lovely postcard from our friends in Maui.

I have a particular obsession and love for trees that goes very deep, so taking a drive to observe how the vegetation changes is a real itinerary item for me. Hawaii in general and Maui in particular did not disappoint. The drive up to Haleakala National Park was stunning, the road winds up 10,000 feet through mountains, forest and the ocean plays peekaboo with you as you wind all the way up to the summit on the crater. Sadly, we only got as high as around 6,000 feet, to the gate of the park. There was a huge storm a few days prior that had knocked out trees and power lines, plus there was snow on the ground. So we missed seeing what is considered by many as one of the most beautiful sunrises to witness, and we were a little bummed. On the bright side, 6,000 feet is still very high, and I was able to check off that itinerary item as the vegetation changed drastically with elevation and temperature drops. It was stunning.

Another highlight, thanks to a tip from those wonderful strangers, was a secret beach that literally took my breath away. Walking in from a very rocky road that narrows as the grounds starts to turn sandy, you're forced through this natural walkway made by trees arching together. While you're still adjusting to that beautiful site, you're hit square in the face by the utter beauty of what lies n front of you. It took me a few seconds to say the only word I could think of...'wow'. I looked at my husband and he looked at me, and he gave me a look that said, "see, aren't you glad we came?" Was I ever! We had been driving around all day and I was complaining of being tired, James petitioned for this final stop and I gave in and I'm so happy I did. Standing in front of us was white sand as far as we could see, behind us and stretching to the left, the trees made natural shade overhands. Straight ahead the water sparkled as the tide started coming in and to the right, off in the distance, we could see the body of another island, majestic in the way it came out of the water. Behind that, and forming a sort of arc, were mountains standing guard and surrounding us as the sun went down. The sunset we watched here is burned into my memory, I carry it with me.

The last part of Maui I want to discuss is the day spent on the notorious drive to Hana. Perhaps wound up by the reports of deathly-windy roads, and having just done the truly-windy drive up to Haleakala Park, we found the drive to not be as scary as we were told. But, it was every bit as beautiful as we imagined. It was slower, because many people make the drive and the road only has two lanes and in many places only one, leading to many stop-and-go points. Still, it's manageable so long as you keep your wits about you and do your best to keep pace with everybody else. What it offers in return is views that could make you cry, so close you can literally roll down your window and touch them.

Tree branches and indigenous flowers threaten to jump into your car as you wind through, and on more than a few occasions you'll turn a corner to come face to face with a cascading waterfall from somewhere high up in the mountains. People congregate and swim in the pools as you go higher and higher, everyone with the same goal- to see the seven sacred pools and of course, the source.

At some point you just have to abandon your car and continue on foot and this, naturally, was my favourite part. Hiking through the national park at Hana, gave me the same feeling as it would a kid in a candy store. I wanted to touch, smell, and stare at everything. A gentle nudge from James every once in a while was necessary to keep me moving, that and the promise of more to see. My mind was blown as we walked through the bamboo forest, light somehow finding its way through the maze created by the shoots.

I saw flowers that reminded me of South Africa and flowers I had never seen before in my life, and both made my heart warm. What struck me the most about the trees and vegetation that grew here wasn't so much the exoticism, although that was a factor, it was seeing the massive version of trees and plants that I was already familiar with. I can't count the number of times I saw a plant and said, "I had no idea it could get that big."

It made me reflect on a universal truth about all living things, that we each have an ideal environment that lends itself to bringing out or even actively producing the best version of ourselves. It's true of most things and most people that we can bloom anywhere, but it's a worthy cause to find our ideal environment. One that has spent millennia perfecting the soil, the water, the sun and everything else we might need to ensure we grow to reach our full potential. My goal for myself and my wish for everyone else is then to grow so fully that one day, someone looks at me and thinks to themselves, 'I didn't know she could get that big.' Likewise, my hope is to be a growing agent in the lives of everyone I'm lucky to touch.

Speaking of growing big, and getting back to trees, another spectacular highlight of our trip to Maui was the Banyan tree. I won't spend too much time trying to describe what a picture would do better, but I was honored to be in the presence of this ancient being. As I circled it, I tried to tap into its energy. As I steadied myself on its giant roots, I couldn't help trying to imagine all that it's seen. I also found myself thinking about all the people I love, friends and family who I wished were with me to marvel at this beautiful tree. I sent love to it, I sent gratitude and I left it very reluctantly. It felt like an old friend and this picture together is now one of my most treasured.

When we could no longer take the wonder of the land, Maui promptly reminded us that it was also an oceanic oasis with world-class wildlife. I'm not ashamed to admit that I continuously brought up 'the turtles' to the point that my husband knew seeing them was a non-negotiable. This was one of our first stops on the long drive to Hana, and arguably the best. Pointed in the right direction by a local, we promptly made our way down to the beach that promised the best chance of viewing. It's impossible to really describe just how well hidden the giant turtles were amongst the black boulders that perfectly mimic their colour and shape. I got seriously close to a few of them without knowing I'd done it and when I realised I was standing in a maze of turtles and rocks, my whole body reacted in tingles that reminded me to be in full awe of the moment.

Not to be outdone by my tingles, a lone ranger decided he was over our fanning out and wanted the safety of the waves. And so, over four full minutes of what looked to us like slow, painful determination- he crawled his way over rocks and shuffled over sand, often being pushed back by the very waves he craved, to finally make his way safely into the water. The group of us standing around and silently cheering him on were all so inspired, I did my best to be cool.

Equally beautiful, were the whales and the offspring that broke the surface ever so often to be fully admired by a boat full of spectators with our cameras ready. Maui has a warm, shallow basin that humpback whales find especially perfect for birthing their calves. Every year, a large part of their population travels all the way from Alaska to Maui just to have their babies here, and looking around, I really couldn't blame them. Seeing the ginormous creatures swim around us was magical and we all felt lucky to witness them playing, breathing through their blowholes and, most excitedly for us, breaching. It's one of those experiences you never forget, beautiful mostly in how it reminds us just how small we really are.

There was so much more to our overall trip to Hawaii, but I wanted to write down these important parts while the memories were still fresh. I'm grateful for many things, and nearly always on the top of this list is an amazing husband - who made this trip happen. Hawaii was our celebration of three years of marriage, and it was magical. We took the trip about a week after the date so it happened to also fall on Valentines Day. I know. In what I'm choosing to interpret as a gift from Maui to us, that was also the day we stumbled into the heart shaped cove of the famous red and black sand beach and found it completely empty.

After the whole day event that was the drive to Hana, this little surprise was just the thing to top it all off. Probably due to a combination of rainy weather and it being late afternoon, we couldn't believe our luck and I for one was not going to waste this gift of exclusivity. I stripped down to my swimsuit and gingerly made my way to the rather cool water, submerging myself to get used to it. It was slightly choppy, the tide was coming in and it had been rainy for hours. James was quick to convince and soon we were like little kids playing around in the water, stopping just long enough to say, 'Happy Valentines Day.'

This trip was breathtaking and I can't wait to return. If you ever get a chance to go to Hawaii, take it. Anywhere on the island chain is stunning, but Maui has my heart. I'd love to hear your experiences in Hawaii.

Aloha,

Noni

Removing My Thorn

I love reading, and as of late I've been thoroughly enjoying spiritual books in particular. I've been reading the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, and I have been drawing deeply from it's teachings. One such important teaching is 'don't close'. When a disturbance occurs, and you feel that tightening in your body, that threat of shutting down...he teaches to breathe into it and simply let it pass through you. Thus it has no power over you, it shapes no outcome in your life and it has no control. I've been practicing, and today, literally a few minutes ago I was gifted with an opportunity to test my growth.

I entered a competition, The Dinaane Debut Fiction Award, for which the winner gets national publication in South Africa, a cash prize and more importantly, professional support. My goal and my dream is to win this competition and to use it as a catapult for my writing career. I submitted my manuscript back in May and over the last five months, I've checked the Jacana Media website more times than I care to admit, always hoping for a hint of when they might announce the longlist, for some inclination, some sign that I might be on it. Well, today when I opened my email I saw one from them, and the opening sentence that I could read without actually opening the email read, 'The longlist for the Dinaane Debut Fiction...' My heart stopped ever so briefly before going into overdrive and I felt that urge to close, close the email app, close my phone, close my spirit to the news I've been dying to know for months. And I wanted to explore and document this, as I work to not close.

I understand my wanting to shut down as a manifestation of deep fear. I am afraid of the confirmation. I'm afraid of knowing and having a definite answer, because I know that answer either exists as 1 or zero, in or out, win or lose, shortlisted or not. And I think ultimately, I've internalised that to mean it's either I'm a good enough writer or not. And I'm afraid to receive that judgement. Now, if I am shortlisted then all is well and I get to kick the can with this issue, until the next leg of the competition when it will all come up again. So I am going to ignore that possibility and focus on the one that's tied to the thorn, because that's the one that needs healing. And regardless of what that email says, if I can honestly deal with this today, or begin to, I will be the biggest winner.

If I am not longlisted, it brings into question my ability as a writer. The part of me that's scared of the outcome believes that if I'm not longlisted, then I am a bad writer, I am not good enough and it creeps into the realm of worth. Then I am not worthy of the professional success I so crave, then my stories don't deserve to be heard, then I'm just another girl who thinks she has talent with big hopes of making it. It also means that embarrassment lies ahead, when the people close to me find out that I'm not good enough to make it. After their years of support and encouragement and it some cases, sacrifice, then they have to deal with the reality that it was for nothing. I'm afraid of them feeling that way, and this email has the power to tell me if that is a possibility, I think. I'm afraid of feeling like a fraud, because I consider myself to be a writer above anything else, so if I fail at this so convincingly, so early on...then do I still have the right to call myself a writer? Then I have to develop another part of myself to present myself as to the world because my truth will be too embarrassing when I claim to be a writer and have nothing to show for it.

Why is this all wrong?

Rationally, I know this is all rubbish. And I believe that by working through it as quickly as it comes up, I can make my way to the other side, without inflicting the pain of the thoughts I just expressed on myself, or at least limiting their damage considerably. First, I am a good writer. I know how to see good writing in others, I know how to enjoy it...and I believe, truly, that I have a gift for expressing myself in this form, that I have a beautiful voice. Second, I know that the people I'm so afraid of embarrassing feel no such thing. I think especially of my husband, who has read every iteration and has been a sounding board, who has given me space to complete my works even when it wasn't fun for him, and throughout it all who has been nothing short of supportive. I think also of my mother, who has also read and given me feedback, perhaps the most important feedback because this book was written in part for her, who has been my extension in South Africa where she physically printed and entered the book when I could not. I think of them and I think of how proud they are of me, because they have expressed that explicitly, as well as how much they love and champion this book- which they have also expressed explicitly. Given that, it seems silly and even foolish to think that they could ever feel shame when it comes to me and my writing. Disappointment sure, but disappointment because they know how much I wanted for this book and because they also wanted and believed it could achieve the same.

Feeling like a fraud is the tough one, because it's a self inflicted prison. There is no reassurance I can get from anybody to tell me it's okay that I consider myself a writer even though I'm not published yet. But all writers were not published at some point, and having that as the only criteria is one of the cruelest ways to punish myself. So I won't. I am a writer, a good one. And the outcome of this email has absolutely no bearing on that. It will not make me love writing any more or less, it will do nothing to dull my need to put words on a page, because that is my most direct connection to an expression of my deeper self, to the divine. I could never not write. I will never let anybody or anything threaten to rob me of my deepest joy as a result of an outcome I have no control over. I give myself permission to write, to call myself a writer, because that is what I am.

I am still a little anxious to open the email, which I will do immediately after this paragraph, but I am no longer afraid. If I'm on the list I'll be elated, if i'm not I'll be sad...but regardless of which way that goes, the one thing I will remain is a writer.

Noni

Here's an update: I'm on the longlist!