Book Review: Why I DNFd Dune by Frank Herbert

It's reprint made Dune one of the biggest books of last year, made bigger by the blockbuster movie version that was nominated for ten Academy Awards, of which it won six. But is it a good read? In this post I'll give you my take, well, I'll give you the best of it that I can considering I DNFd the book. DNF for those unfamiliar means 'did not finish'. I did not finish Dune because God's honest truth is that I just couldn't. I'll share why as well as the opinion I was able to formulate in this post.

Things I liked

There were things I liked about this book and I think it's important I point them out before you start to think it was all bad.

Worldbuilding

I like the actual world that the author created. It's not the greatest or most immersive, but it was good. The interplanetary government system with the Emperor, and noble families vying for favor was interesting. Spice being the most valuable commodity is also quite interesting, as well as the general oddities that a writer gets to imagine in a story set in outer space. It was familiar enough to still make sense to our understanding of reality and odd enough to be interesting. This is generally a great balance for stories with strange new worlds. As exciting as truly unique worlds are, when they are too different they require too much focused attention to remember how that reality works, and this can take away from the reader's ability to focus on the story. I think Herbert did this well.

Foreshadowing

I liked how the author used foreshadowing. There were multiple ways that he did this and I thought the net effect was very satisfying. From the very onset, the author plants the seed for Paul to be Muad'Dib, or the story's savior of the spice planet, Arrakis. He also sows the seed that Paul's father, Duke Leto, will die and never see the great success of his son. Although we know this and it's reiterated through various characters like the Duke's wife; the leader of the Bene Gesserit; Paul; and even the Duke himself- the reader still feels a sense of anticipation right up until it actually happens. This is actually quite amazing, and I commend the author for pulling it off. '

Character and their Development

The characters felt solid to me. They felt well thought out and specific enough to be real. I can't know for sure about how they develop in their entirety because I didn't follow their arcs all the way through, but I would venture to guess that this was one of the things that the author continued to do well.

These are the things I enjoyed and these are major thing- often if a book can get all of these right, it's a great book. And I think that's why some people genuinely love it. It's just that I place a very high ranking on readability and this book lacked that for me. The greatest story in the world will sit untouched on my shelf if it doesn't make me want to read it. Which brings me to:

Things I didn't like

It was so difficult to read. I got to page... and just couldn't push myself to read on. Mind you, page ..... is a random 'in the middle of a chapter' page. I couldn't even push through to the end of that chapter. These were some of my biggest issues with the book:

Density/ Poor Readability

This is a dense book with low readability. By that I mean it has (many) phases that are difficult to get through. You know those fun summer novels people bring to the beach and just breeze through? This was not that. This was at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I think a perfect readability score in somewhere in the middle, leaning slightly closer to the denser side of things. This is my personal preference, and it will be different for everyone. However, regardless of preference, I think a book should flow.

Reading Dune felt like work.

It wasn't fun, it wasn't pleasant- it literally felt like a job. In chapter....I hit a complete standstill. I could not pick up the book. I did not want to pick up the book. A whole month went by. I imagined I would be so bored as I read it that I didn't want to actually live through that torture.

Here's an excerpt from the first chapter:

"Paul awoke to feel himself in the warmth of his bed—thinking ... thinking. This world of Castle Caladan, without play or companions his own age, perhaps did not deserve sadness in farewell. Dr. Yueh, his teacher, had hinted that the faufreluches class system was not rigidly guarded on Arrakis. The planet sheltered people who lived at the desert edge without caid or bashar to command them: will-o'-the-sand people called Fremen, marked down on no census of the Imperial Regate.

Arrakis—Dune—Desert Planet.

Paul sensed his own tensions, decided to practice one of the mind-body lessons his mother had taught him. Three quick breaths triggered the responses: he fell into the floating awareness ... focusing the consciousness ... aortal dilation ... avoiding the unfocused mechanism of consciousness ... to be conscious by choice ... blood enriched and swift-flooding the overload regions ... one does not obtain food-safety-freedom by instinct alone ... animal consciousness does not extend beyond the given moment nor into the idea that its victims may become extinct ... the animal destroys and does not produce ... animal pleasures remain close to sensation levels and avoid the perceptual ... the human requires a background grid through which to see his universe ... focused consciousness by choice, this forms your grid ... bodily integrity follows nerve-blood flow according to the deepest awareness of cell needs ... all things/cells/beings are impermanent ... strive for flow-permanence within....

Over and over and over within Paul's floating awareness the lesson rolled."

The whole book reads this way. There is some natural variation when certain scenes call for it, sure. But, generally, this is the overall feel of the entire material. Some people may like it, I did not.

So much Telling (and not enough Showing)

Personally I feel like this is due to too much telling and not enough showing in the storytelling. So many of the details feel like they are part of a manual that the author just had to share with me for reasons I can't understand, and he didn't even bother to try and make it entertaining. When a book feels like that, it burdens the reader with having to psyche themselves up to continue reading. I had to do that- I literally remember saying 'I have to finish reading this so I can write a review'. Nobody wants that to be the reason they read a book (and no author wants to know that's why people read their book).

Related: What does it mean to 'Show, Don't Tell'

Note: I do understand that due to the kind of book that Dune is, an epic space fantasy, it requires a great deal of world building that will lend itself to quite a lot of descriptive writing. The author has to set up the government system, for example, as well as the conditions of each of the planets. I give allowance for that. I think had the 'telling' been limited to these necessities for the most part, I would have been able to look past it because I would see it as the necessary tool it is. However, the whole book read like that. It felt like sitting through a lecture.

Verdict- I was bored

All of these elements came together to give me a net result of boredom. I was bored. My mind wondered and I had to, on many occasions, tell myself that I had to finish this book 'so I can fairly review it'. It had nothing to do with enjoyment. It reminded me of being an engineering student and having to read through a section of a physics textbook in preparation for a test. It was all about minimizing future pain. In the end, I decided the time commitment wasn't worth it for something I was genuinely dreading. It means I can't give a review because it wouldn't be fair, but so be it.

This was really hard for me because when I pick up a book, my intention is to read and finish it. It feels like a silent promise I make to the author. I know how hard it is to write an entire manuscript, and I want to give each one a fair shot. But, life is short. Much too short to read books we don't love, especially when we have shelves and shelves of books we probably will. I'm at peace with my decision, but it did take a while.

If you did like the book, please share what you liked about it. If you finished it, please share your overall take on it. And, if you DNFd it like me- I'd like to know that too. It will make me feel less bad.

Here's to reading more books and hopefully loving them.

Take care,

Nonjabulo

How To: Write a Well Paced Story

There are a few critical elements to a well-written story. One of these is pacing. Pacing determines the rate at which the action unfolds within a story, or how quickly or slowly a reader gets through the material. Finding the right tempo is important- too fast and a reader might be bewildered and not fully take in the story, too slow and a reader might get bored and switch off from it. How do you determine what the right tempo is to write a well-paced story? That's an excellent question and that's what I'll be discussing in this post.

What is Pace and what does it do?

Pace is speed. It's how quickly a reader can peel back the layers of a story to get to the core. To understand pace as an author is to actively dictate this pace, it's to slow down or speed up how somebody reads the material, and that is a certain kind of artistic power. Used well, it ensures that the reader has the storytelling experience the author intended. But what exactly does that read like in real life?

Let's consider two kinds of pace within storytelling.

The pace of Unfolding (Story Arc)

This is the pace of the overall story and is more a measure of how quickly the events within the entire story arc unfold. A good way to think of this sort of pace is visually. Think of 'slow' or 'artsy' movies, what makes us give them this classification? It's the pace, it's movies where the plot unfolds at such a gradual pace that you really take in the story, frame by frame. The pace is so slowed that it forces the viewer to appreciate the dialogue, the cinematography, etc.

An example of slow movies include: A ghost story (2017); 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Now think of an action movie, where things are happening so fast that the viewer is on the edge of their seat trying to not miss anything. Both inspire concentration and result in getting and keeping the viewer's attention (when done well), but they go about it very differently.

An example of slow movies includes: Any of the Marvel superhero films; most Guy Ritchie films, such as Snatch (2000).

Books work in much the same way. Some are slow in such a way that forces the reader to appreciate the language used and the character development. Think of literary fiction as a genre. On the other hand, some books are fast-paced, with many events thrown at the reader in such a way that keeps them guessing what comes next. Think of 'whodunit' books or spy thrillers as a genre.

Pace of Reading

This is the rate at which a particular passage is read. It's affected by word choice and sentence length. Words can either tumble out, which forces the reader to speed through the material or they can come out in a natural rhythm. Alternatively, the words can feel dragged out and force the reader to slow down. This pace will naturally affect the current emotions of the reader as they read a particular passage. They can feel frantic or sluggish, or neutral.

It thus becomes important to match the pace to the scene to ensure a harmonious reading experience. A scene where a man is secretly admiring the gentle curve of a woman's neck shouldn't feel rushed, and a scene where a woman is searching through the grocery store for her toddler shouldn't feel relaxed. While there are a few things to consider, the best pacing is that which feels natural and appropriate for the scene.

Let's consider some examples:

Fast:

One. Two. Three- everybody out! Every foot that hit the pavement was a foot that should already be out there on the front lines. Bombs exploded as the soldiers ran back and forth, trying to make sure they were simultaneously out of the way and in the right place. Brian averted his eyes from the boys of eighteen or twenty, all fresh-faced and fucked.

When I read this, I can't help but t read it quickly. It's the content- war is a fast-paced event, but it's also the way that it's written. The sentences are short and to the point. The action feels immediate. The pace is quickened.

When do you want a fast pace?

A fast pace conveys a sense of urgency. So, if something is happening that the reader needs to be on full alert for, like a high-speed car chase or even a quiet robbery, it makes sense for the pace to be quickened. A faster pace is also the appropriate choice when trying to convey fast action like a character who talks fast- quick, short sentences that come in a burst are an effective way to get this across. A fast pace can also be used to showcase nervousness. Such a person would most likely have very frantic thoughts, which tend to happen at a rapid rate.

Slow:

The barn was always my favorite in the summertime. The river flowed lazily and life all around it did the same. He would deny it, but even Brian seemed his happiest during that warm stretch between June and September.

When I read this, I can't help but take my time. Both the content and how it's written make me want to savor the intake- as such, I do so slowly and deliberately. The pace is slowed down.

When do you want a slow pace?

A slow pace conveys a sense of low energy like relaxation and even boredom. In general, any time you want to tone things down, you'll want to slow the pace. Exciting things generally don't happen slowly. Even if the build-up is slow-by the very nature of its essence, excitement is a quick, present-tense emotion. So, a slow pace is an appropriate choice when trying to convey a sense of waiting- or any situation where space exists between events because nothing else is happening. Here, you want to write as though you're painting endless rolling hills.

Combined Pace

Things get interesting (or tricky) when we consider that a slow story arc can have fast pace segments. That is, a very slow story where very little happens can have segments of very fast-paced action.

For example, say the main event of your story is that the characters go from the small town of Lilac to the next small town of Indigo. That's the main event, and as a background, it's quite boring and naturally a slow unfolding. However, within the group of people traveling there can be a fiery sister pair who just can't stop fighting with each other. Their dialogue and exchanges will be fast-paced. Or perhaps along the way, the group traveling get's robbed. The scene in which they get robbed will be fast-paced (because robberies generally are) even though the general arc of the story remains slow. So, in this way, there is a mix of slow and fast pace events that work together to make for a more complex and satisfying reading experience.

Is a Slow or Fast Pace better for Storytelling?

This is difficult to say as a lot of what we perceive as 'better' comes down to personal preference. I don't think either a fast or slow pace determines if a story is good or not. It's more about choosing the appropriate pace for that particular story. It's important to consider several different elements such as: what you want the story to do; where exactly you are within the story arc; how this fits with the characters in the story; etc. Some stories will lend themselves to a faster pace while others will be better served by a slower pace.

Conclusion

Many things go into writing a good story, pace is just one of them. So be mindful of it, but don't get hung up on trying to make sure yours is perfect. If all the other things are done well, the pace will almost take care of itself. Remember that pace unfolds with the story, and so you might not fully know the pace of yours until you're well into it.

I hope this has helped you to better understand what pacing in storytelling is, and how to identify it as you read or consume other forms of content. I hope this in turn helps you with your own writing.

Take care and happy writing,

Nonjabulo

How To: Write a Pitch Email to Your Ideal Copywriting Client

You've identified your ideal client and done your research on them, great! Now you need to reach out to them and tell them about your excellent ability to help them communicate with their audience and achieve their marketing goals through your superb copywriting skills. Enter the pitch email. This is a great first point of contact that should highlight your ability to write well, to comminate effectively, and to sell your services. There is an art to the pitch email because you're unlikely to get another chance to make a great impression- so you need to nail it. How does one do this? Keep reading because that's what I'll be discussing in this post.

An email doesn't allow for a lot of content, particularly one that is unsolicited and will likely be scanned instead of read. So you want to get straight to the point and hit on all of the important points. Below is my formula for the perfect pitch.

Let's imagine your ideal client is a Law of Attraction (LOA) coach who needs long-form blog posts that explain what the LOA is, and what she does to help her clients utilize it for tangible results in the form of prosperity in their lives.

Step 1- Connect

The first thing you want to do is create an authentic connection with your client. This is a human-to-human appeal. It's you getting them to like you- because if they like you, selling to them later will be easier. You do this by showing them a bit of your personality- which, if you've done the work of making sure they fit into your Ideal Client Profile (this article covers how to study your ideal clients once you've successfully identified them) should closely match their personality.

'I understand you' paragraph

Example: I was so happy to come across your corner of the internet. I found such a deep resonance with both you and your work as I engaged with your content. I understand the purpose of your work to be helping people achieve their wildest business goals with joy and ease by utilizing prosperity principles and the LOA.

This works because you get to show the potential client that you get them. You also display that you're a real human- just like them. This is where you turn on the personal charm and leave them thinking 'I want to hang out with this person'.

Step 2- Establish Authority

The second thing you want to do is show your client why you're amazing and they should trust you. It's you declaring what makes you the best person to listen to for the particular problem that your client needs to be solved. This is where you're allowed to flaunt all of your experience and accomplishments.

'This is what I do' paragraph

Example: I know the power of the LOA from witnessing it in my own life. I want more people who are ready to receive that knowledge to know about it. I am a copywriter (and an author) and words are both my greatest joy and my biggest talent. I would like to write for you. I feel that I understand your brand, your purpose, and your audience.

This works because you get to demonstrate your expertise and the extent of your work highlights. You get to paint a picture of who you are in a professional sense- and impress. This is where you put your best foot forward and leave them thinking 'I would be lucky to work with this person'.

Step 3- Highlight Relevant Skills

The third thing you want to do is define the exact skills that make you perfect for the job in question. This is where you finetune your impressive resume to the exact points that you know will matter to this particular client. It's you declaring what sets you apart from the competition by showing that you fully understand the assignment and you know exactly how to go about it.

'This is what I can do for you' & 'this is why I'm perfect' paragraph

I believe that you could create great value for your audience by providing them with an evergreen source of LOA content to help them keep their vibrations high as they move to transform their work, businesses, and lives. I know from experience that I can't read or watch enough content about the LOA and manifestations, especially from teachers that I trust. My goal is to provide you, and thus your audience, with high-quality content that serves, uplifts, and transforms.

This works because you get to demonstrate the precise expertise that highlights your eligibility for the completion of this project. This is where you turn on the professional charm and leave them thinking: 'For this project, I only want this person working on it'.

Step 4- Provide Proof

The last thing you want to do is back up everything you've said thus far by providing proof of your previous work. This is singlehandedly the most important part of the email. Proof speaks volumes and gives prospective clients something to assess.

If this is your first client and you have no prior experience, I would highly suggest you work on that first. It will be quite difficult (near impossible really) to land great clients without a portfolio that shows a good body of work. Great clients- the kind you want- don't hire based on a nice personality. They hire based on a proven track record. To be even considered, you need one. So, if you've never had a paying client- offer your services for free to a few clients that will build the kind of portfolio that will help you land the clients you really want. For example, don't offer to write about pet care for free if you'd like to land beauty clients in the future- the pet care articles in your portfolio won't demonstrate that you can write about beauty and you probably won't get the job.

'Please get back to me and link to your portfolio' paragraph

I have so many ideas and I am very excited at the prospect of working with you. Please feel free to take a look at my previous work. Of particular interest, this [add link to most relevant post/ article] work I did for [describe similar client] will demonstrate just some of the content I'm able to produce that I believe will resonate with your audience.

I'd love to answer any questions you have.

Related: Hiring a Copywriter? Ask for Writing Samples

This works because you get to demonstrate the real-life work that you've done in the past. Any great client will want to see your portfolio- they get to vet your work before committing to anything and it puts them at ease because they can trust that you can deliver what you're promising. Always provide a way for prospects to see your previous work. It's all they have to go on, and you're asking them to make a rather important consideration.

Ready to pitch but still need a little bit more specialized help?

I've created these Pitch Perfect Email Templates that you can use at every stage of your client building. These 3 templates will help you to:

• Get more clients

• Make more money

• Grow your business

These templates are exactly how I contact and close new clients. It includes the copy for the initial pitch, the follow-up, and even a third re-engagement email should you need it. All are designed to help you connect with the client, highlight your skills, and land the job. You can find them here.

Conclusion

Your ideal copywriting clients are out there, and they need the exact services that you provide. After finding them, the next hardest step is pitching yourself as the solution to their problem. After all my work as a freelance copywriter, I believe that I have come up with a system that works- it certainly did for me. My hope is that it works for you.

Happy pitching,

Nonjabulo