Book Review: A Mother Like Mine by Kate Hewitt

I don't remember buying this book but, knowing me, I probably picked it up as soon as I saw the title. I'm weak for mother-daughter stories (so much I wrote my own in the form of my first novel). Regardless of how I got it, I'm so happy I did and I’m about to share why. This post is a book review of A Mother Like Mine by Kate Hewitt.

What is 'A Mother Like Mine' About?

The central relationship in this book is between mother and daughter (as I'm sure you can guess), Laura and Abby. The book is set in Hartley-by-the-Sea, where both women grew up and were desperate to flee, a lifetime apart. Laura left when Abby was just two years ago and hasn't been much a part of her life since.

When Laura's mother suffers a heart attack, it's Abby who returns, with a fatherless child of her own, to pick up the pieces. When Laura loses her high-flying job in Manhattan, she too finds herself back home- finally tired of running and ready to try and rebuild a relationship with both her mother and her daughter. It's written from two POVs, alternating between Laura and Abby.

The central themes of A Mother Like Mine are family saga, mothers and daughters, family secrets, forgiveness, and redemption.

What I Most Enjoyed about 'A Mother Like Mine'

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I think it was very well written. It’s true that I am partial to family sagas, especially ones that center on mothers and daughters, but this book stands on its merit. Here are the things that I most enjoyed:

A real sense of place

I felt like I was in a seaside town. I could smell the air; I tuned into the slowed-down tempo of the locals; I knew my way around the small hilly streets. This requires real skill and, remarkably, the author managed to do it without drowning us in details.

Developed characters

The back stories were full. I got excited at the idea of reading the dialogue between the various characters because they were all unique and fleshed out, so their exchanges were enjoyable.

Real stakes

I had a sense of concern for the relationship between Abby and Laura, and I felt the palpable tension in each of their exchanges. I knew they would work it out, of course, this book had clear ‘happy-ending’ vibes, but I still worried over their miscommunications and underlying turmoil.

Quite a brave book

For all its cute backdrop, A Mother Like Mine tackles some serious subjects. It centralizes the owning of one's narrative (I presume to empower oneself and not be a victim), but there is an obvious issue of statutory rape, abuse of power, and powerful people 'getting away with it'. It's also a book about adults looking into a buried past and starting over (with people they wronged or were wronged by or both)- what can be braver than that?

What I Didn't Like about 'A Mother Like Mine'

There isn't much, and this might even seem petty to some, but it was big for me. Here is my one complaint:

Too perfectly wrapped up

This book resolves in a way that is admittedly satisfying. The central conflict dissipates, and Abby and Laura go from mistrusting strangers to a real mother-daughter pair with love and softness governing their relationship. There is truth, pain, vulnerability, remorse, accountability, and forgiveness- it's beautiful.

I just feel like the author's desire to resolve everything became a tad too clinical. It's not that there are no loose ends, there are great open-ended scenarios that the reader can happily wander about like, 'Does Laura ever hook up with the handsome and much younger bartender she's opened up so much to?' or 'Does Abby complete her degree in Liverpool? Does she return to Hartley-by-the-Sea?' etc.

My issue is that, in the items that are resolved, it feels too perfect, which in turn makes it feel unreal and like something someone formulated- which kills it a bit. From the time of the fire (spoiler alert), it feels like too many things just fall into place.

Money seems to fall from the sky to allow them to do everything they've been dreaming of. While this is nice (in theory), it reads as lazy and a bit disappointing. Also, that this all happened within the last 2 to 3 chapters makes it feel all the more rushed.

Verdict: 4 stars

I would give A Mother Like Mine a 4-star rating. I enjoyed reading this book and the great writing, subject matter, and excellent pacing made for an overall great experience. I just think the ending could have been better executed. Still, this was a very satisfying read. Kate Hewitt is a great writer and I'm looking forward to reading more from her. Luckily for us, she has written over forty books.

I hope you consider picking up a copy of A Mother Like Mine by Kate Hewitt, I recommend it. If you do, please let me know what you think.

Happy reading,

Nonjabulo

How To Wash Curly Baby Hair with No Tears

My baby girl has a head of beautiful curly hair that is getting fuller by the day. It almost took me by surprise because she was rather bald when she was born. I almost feel like I woke up one day and thought, ‘OMG what am I going to do with all that hair’. Because something had to be done, it was now too long to just let it be (which has been my strategy since birth). It was tangling and looking a little in need of rescue. Her curls were not in their full glory and I realized that my baby girl now needs a hair regimen.

In this post, I’ll share what has worked for me to wash and detangle her hair to beautifully define her curls- with no tears!

The Science of Curly Hair

A strand of hair or hair shaft is a flexible protein called keratin made of three parts: the medulla, cortex, and the cuticle, that grows out of a follicle. Hair can be straight, wavy, curly, or kinky. The shape of the follicle, located underneath the scalp, plays a large part in determining how it grows out of the scalp.

Follicle Shape

• Oval follicles produce curly hair.

• Round follicles produce straight hair.

• A flat oval follicle shape will create kinky, coily hair.

Curly Hair and Tangling

The twists and turns in the structure of curly hair make the cuticle weaker and also makes the hair prone to tangling and damage. Brushing the hair regularly (daily) is the best way to handle tangles because brushing combs through and separates the hair, resetting the timer on the tangling process.

Make Sure the Hair is Wet

Curly hair is weakest when it's dry and this is also when it's the hardest to brush. Adding moisture to the hair will plump and strengthen the hair and allow it to better handle the brushing process, which can otherwise be painful and damaging.

How is Curly Hair Naturally Moisturized

The hair’s natural oils, called sebum, are produced at the base of the scalp, and move down the hair shaft, moisturizing the hair as it does so. When the hair is straight, the oils move down the hair with no issue. When the hair is curly, it makes it more difficult for the oil to follow its curl pattern and moisturize all those beautiful loops, making it prone to dryness. So added moisture after a wash is a must.

Locking In Moisture

Washing hair removes dirt and buildup, but it also strips it of its moisturizing oils. For curly hair, which is prone to dryness, re-adding and then sealing in this moisture is vital for hair health. A good hair butter or leave-in conditioner is great for moisturizing newly washed hair. Following that up with a great sealant oil will ensure long-lasting moisture and protection. Regular olive oil is a great alternative that you probably already have in your kitchen.

The Science of Babies

As the proud mother of an almost 17-month-year-old toddler, I’m obviously an expert on all things babies. I joke, but I have learned some things.

Babies don't like it when you pull their hair- so be gentle.

You'll have to figure out the right size sections that work for your baby, where brushing the tangles out doesn't hurt them. I find the smaller the better, but don't make them so small that getting through the entire head will take you forever. Which brings me to:

Babies have a very short attention span- so be quick.

From the time you start you're on the clock. My baby likes the head massage aspect of the brush, so that buys me some time, but it's only so long before she gets over it and wants me to entertain her. This brings me to:

Always have a distraction at the ready.

Never underestimate the power of distraction. Just throwing in a teething toy in the bath will give your baby something new to focus on and play with which will buy you a few more precious minutes.

How To Wash Curly Baby Hair with No Tears

You will need:

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- detangling brush. I use this one

- baby safe shampoo. I use this one

- leave-in conditioner. I use this one

1. Decide on how to position your baby. The goal is to ensure no soap or water gets into the baby's eyes. This is unpleasant and will lead to a screamy panic. If your baby is small enough, you can hold them facing up, and wash their hair above the water so the water runs down away from their face (I do this sometimes). You can also just sit them in the tub and be extra careful, that's what I did this time.

2. Wet the hair.

3. Lather and massage the scalp using shampoo.

4. Section off hair with your fingers and brush through the section with a detangling brush. Do this incrementally until you get through the entire head.

5. Rinse out shampoo thoroughly.

6. Towel dry hair.

7. Apply a leave-in conditioner or oil of choice.

8. Finger detangle and style as desired.

Conclusion

Curly hair is beautiful and delicate. Taking care of it correctly is vital to ensuring it thrives. As a parent to a little one with curly hair, I feel it's my job to ensure that she learns the right principles for taking care of her hair and that I make that enjoyable for her. Making sure wash day is a good memory for her feels like a good place to start.

I hope this tutorial was somewhat helpful. Let me know what other tips and tricks work for you!

Happy wash day,

Nonjabulo

Book Review: A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler

This is a book I picked up randomly at a flea market once. I liked the title- which is how I pick up most of my books. I then saw that the author was a Pulitzer winner and well, then I had to read it. I’m so glad that I did. This post is a book review of A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler.

What Is This Book About? (A mostly spoiler-free overview)

This story follows three generations of the Whitshank family and is tied together by their family home, an impressive house built by Junior Whitshank, that is so central that it almost functions as its own character in the story. We're invited into the lives of Abby and Red Whitshank, and their four children, Amanda, Jeannie, Stem, and troubled Denny. We then jump back in time to witness the formation of the family, by following the lives of Linnie May and Junior Whitshank, Red and Merrick's parents.

For me, this book is about different things in different generations. For Abby and Red, it's about the glue that keeps families together, and how that comes to be. In this case, I see this role played by equal parts mother and wife, Abby, and the family home itself. Perhaps this is most highlighted by how quickly one is abandoned when the other is lost.

For Linnie Mae and Junior, it's a testament to sheer will, and how some people can surrender to an outcome, no matter how unlikely, and somehow will it to happen. For Linnie Mae, it's willing a family with Junior. For Junior, it's willing the upward movement he has always felt due to him, starting with the grand house on Bouton Road.

It has themes of 'us vs. them', fitting in, social standing, an overbearing mother, an overbearing father, sibling rivalry, shame, death, secrets, and just general family dynamics.

The voice

This author's voice is so clear and sure of itself. It’s a book written by someone who knows themselves to be a writer and who trusts themself to tell the story. As such, I trust the storyteller. She feels no need to try and sell how good she is. There is no showy language, it's beautiful in how direct and simple and airy it is. Her words carry such depth without any pretense, which made it an easy read.

What I most Enjoyed

The experience

I mean this in both ways. First, my experience as the reader which was so enjoyable. And second, the experience of the author that comes across in their storytelling. I could tell this was a book written by a seasoned professional, it reeked of experience and mastery. This came off in the following ways:

The Subtlety of the Storytelling

Nothing screams in this book. The words roll out in a subtle way. Even at the most profound moments, always there is this layer of subtlety.

I will perhaps struggle to articulate why this is such a great thing, but as both a reader and especially as a writer I find this incredibly impressive. It’s so easy to lead with something, to throw excitement about when creating a narrative, that I find the absence of that in this book to be masterful. Whether Tayler forced herself to thwart the impulse or if she never had it in the first place, I’m quite in awe of the execution.

The Real Delicacy of the Characters

By that I mean the characters are so real that they have a certain delicacy I associate with all real people. I always get the sense that everyone is wearing their personality and it’s fitted to them in a rather delicate layer. This gives the sense that at any moment they might just break character and reveal something….else. This is how I feel about real people, and when I feel it about fictional characters I know the writer has done something special.

In most cases, and even in some of my own writing I’ll admit, the characters feel a touch too rigid. Like their personalities are plastered on and they are set in them; they don’t have that ever so slight airy space between themselves and the blanket of their personality, the space that allows a reader to breathe air into to solidify their realness. These characters have that.

What I Least Enjoyed

Very Low Stakes

I don’t recall ever being truly concerned for or about any of the characters. I know this is the same subtlety I was praising a few minutes ago (bear with me), but I think it functions differently from a voice point of view as compared to a plot point of view. I know fully that this is a character-driven story, and that plot is secondary (Tyler has admitted to being a terrible plotter and so she makes no real effort even to try). That is fine, I too am not a great plotter and that is not the criticism here- I am getting to it I promise...

Related: How To Write a Solid, Plot-driven Story Outline

In many books, there might be a great central conflict, a crescendo moment that all events lead up to. This book doesn't do that, rather, it has numerous smaller tension points all throughout. I like this very much. However, those tension points are all very small (if we are measuring intensity) and so, as I said in my opening, I don’t recall ever being truly concerned for or about any of the characters.

I wish I had. I wish on just one of the nights when I put the book down I thought, 'Oh God, whatever is going to happen next? Is Abby (or Denny or Merrick) going to be okay?'. This never happened for me, instead, I found myself thinking, 'I can't wait to continue reading.'

I know, I can't believe I'm complaining about that either. To want to keep reading a book and be excited to do so is such a complete achievement. That said, art is subjective and another person might love this lack of heartrate-quickening stakes most of all, but I do not. I almost wish she wasn't such a master of subtlety.

Note: This is not to say that the book completely lacked stakes and/or tension- these were definitely present. It's just that the storytelling made it all unravel almost too perfectly (for my taste) such that even in moments when I was aware that something worrying or stressful was happening, I didn't feel worried or stressed about it.

Verdict: 4 stars

I would give A Spool of Blue Thread a 4-star rating. I enjoyed reading this book. It was written so well, and it is a great window into family dynamics- a theme I always enjoy. I would have liked to see some more intensity in the stakes and tension. I highly recommend it, and I will look out for more Anne Tyler books in the future as I enjoyed her writing so much. Luckily for me, she apparently has 20 other books (and counting).

If you read it, please let me know what you think of it.

Happy reading,

Nonjabulo